You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
