You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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