this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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