I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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