So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
