Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Pants are for mortals
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
