her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
not ubering you a puppy
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
