I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
