did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
