I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
