Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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