she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
