hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
