It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
