My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
