If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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