Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
