It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
