How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
smell my finger.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
