Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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