So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
