When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
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