I wish I could teleport
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
