I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
