I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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