i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
