Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
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He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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