I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
