i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
