And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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