I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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