I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
