And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
