I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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