So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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