just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
