your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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