if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
