Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize
