I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
