i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
