This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
