Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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