It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
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