I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
