you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
