i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
