i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
