I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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