My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
