Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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