I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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