I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
