But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
