I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
