we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
