whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
