Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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