that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
