i wish my penis had a tongue
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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