my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
