Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
