fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
