im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
